Will one ever understand.??

What drives a person to take their own life?.. What thoughts are so dire that the only way out is death?

A friend has passed by his own hands and those left behind cannot understand, what was so bad, that talking and or prayer could not have saved a life….

It is not those that go, but those that remain behind that suffer the sufferings of death…

I found this and felt in his honour I’d share it…

Not, How Did He Die, But How Did He Live – Author Unknown

Not how did he die, but how did he live?
Not what did he gain, but what did he give?
These are the units to measure the worth
of a man as a man, regardless of birth.
Not, what was his church, nor what was his creed?
But had he befriended those really in need?
Was he ever ready, with word of good cheer,
to bring back a smile, to banish a tear?
Not what did the sketch in the newspaper say,
but how many were sorry when he passed away



56 thoughts on “Will one ever understand.??

  1. It’s always sad to read news like this Rob and I am sorry for your loss. I see you said that ‘nothing is ever so bad that it cannot be overcome’, but for someone who is that depressed, everything is in overdrive. You know that you have loved ones around you, people that care but the hopelessness and reality of life becomes too much and you can’t take the sadness anymore and you feel that everyone will be better off without you. At that stage you don’t think what it would do to the ones you’re leaving behind. You just want to die and get it over with. It’s sad, but it’s true my friend. 😦

    • To an extent I understand some are more likely to do it than others… but I just don’t understand when a very happy fellow does it and his wife never even picked up any signals…

      • Maybe he never showed his feelings Rob. Most depressed people never truly show their inner feelings because they don’t want to be analysed or have people think they want sympathy, so they put up a front .. and one day they just snap. It happens … unfortunately. 😦

  2. I’m so very sorry, Rob. I have lost a friend to suicide, some time ago, and the loss to his family and friends was unfathomable. I think in the end we came to the realization that there were simply depths of pain we couldn’t begin to understand. So sad.

  3. I’m so sorry this has happened, Rob. One of my son’s friends suicided several months ago and we’re still trying to come to terms with it. We never know why someone decides to do this and it makes us feel helpless/guilty and sad. It’s an awful thing – hugs to you xxxx

    • I so agree… It is the family that must suffer the unknowns, the whys, the could we have seen this coming etc… the young children that will always wonder why, what went wrong and yet have to grow up now without one of the parents… and it always worries me that if it was for financial reasons, the problem does not go away with the suicide, but merely changes from one head of the family to another that stays behind… I will never understand it… I’ve been through the mill the downs and ups, the heart aches and all… but maybe I’m not brave enough or I just can’t accept defeat that has kept me here fighting on…

  4. So very sorry to read this Bulldog…I’m catching up with your blog today and was very saddened to find this out. A tragedy that is so hard to comprehend…sending thoughts and prayers your way in the loss of your friend….

  5. Thoughts are with you Rob as you mourn the sad loss of a dear friend who like so many others was troubled and had perhaps lost all hope. RIP all those who have left family and friends to a better place where they find eternal peace, safe in our Heavenly Father’s arms.

    • Well there is one thing for sure … in a better place, yet I still wonder if more help could not have been given to allow old age to be reached before the moving on that we would all welcome…

  6. Rob, I am sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. I hope somehow he has now found the peace of mind he so desperately must have needed. All so difficult to rationalize and come to terms with for his family and friends.

  7. My dad killed himself. For many years I was angry. Thought he was selfish and cowardly. Now I see him as selfless and brave. He saved his family from his destructive personality. I don’t know the circumstances of your friend’s life and of his death, but just know that, to him, life meant unbearable suffering. When faced with that, death doesn’t seem so incomprehensible. I wish I could give you a comforting hug. ❤

    • Brave to take your life?…. yes I do agree, but I’m not sure I could do it. .. and yes I’m sure in his mind it was the right thing to do, but I will never understand that all the alternatives were investigated… was it a spur of the moment thing or planned?

      • I think most people who are really serious, plan these things out. Sure, maybe some are spontaneous. I had a college student who I took under my wing. I know she had a rough life and thought she was pulling it together. She made a point of visiting me after the semester she graduated. We spoke of her plans to pursue her degree in counseling to help abused kids via art therapy. She seems so positive and happy. A week later, I read about her suicide in the paper. I had no idea the reason she was so happy–she felt free, having made her decision to end her anguish. She was a victim of rape while in foster homes and then while in mental health care facilities. She cut herself because physical pain took her mind off her emotional pain. Her name was Doreen and I’ll never forget her. I even set up a scholarship in her name.

        I can’t say that she was brave. I think she was desperate.

        I know I couldn’t do it. Although I thought about it during the darkest days of my illness and my husband leaving me. I thought of every possible way of doing the deed. Do you what stopped me? I was concerned about traumatizing the poor person who found me! I spoke to my counselor at the time and she said not to worry about putting me on a suicide watch–someone who thinks like I do is NOT a risk to herself!

  8. I’m sure we’ll never understand what drives someone over the edge. The hurt and suffering they cause to those left behind is incomprehensible. So sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing this so eloquently.

  9. I’m so sorry for the sadness, and feelings of loss this has brought you. The living are left to try and comprehend the why. And there is never an answer. It’s good you can talk about/post about this to help you get through this. Sending you hugs and prayers for comfort, and hopes that when you get to the anger stage of grieving, you can forgive.

  10. So sorry to hear about the sad loss in this way. I am also with you on this and cannot comprehend that this might be a solution. There must be total desperation and we will never know how they felt. So sad that they do not seek help and understanding before they go so far.

  11. So sorry to read of your tragic loss of a good friend, bulldog. Like yourself, I find it incomprehensible that someone would come to such a decision to take their own life. I guess we never really know what goes on in a person’s mind, even though we may be very close to them. I know that your support will be a comfort to his grieving family. *hugs*

  12. I read this with a lot of sadness. It brought back some of my own memories of a close friend who took his life a number of years ago. It left us bewildered, confused, and a full range of emotions from angry to sad to wistful.
    My deepest sympathies Bulldog. It’s a puzzle I too don’t understand.

  13. So sorry to hear of your sad loss Rob. Thinking of your circle of friends and his family especially, and praying that God’s grace will comfort you all the time as you struggle through the questions you’ve been left with.

  14. I am so very sorry to hear this Bulldog. I am struggling to find the right words – all I can say is that depression/mental illness is such a serious and deep affliction, and often, for the sufferer there is so much dark hopelessness inside that no words can describe…It is not easy to understand, I know.
    I am sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and the family of your friend.

  15. Really sorry to hear of your friends passing. I’ve had someone very close do the same and there are so many questions and never any answers. I think this is one thing that never will or can be explained – our Chris had everything to live for yet we now talk about him in the past tense. The memories of them stay forever though – they are always in our hearts no matter what. Sending you huge hugs from NZ.

  16. I am very sorry to hear that you lost a friend in this way. My heart goes out to you at this sad time.

    I also lost a friend and work colleague this way and at the time, couldn’t understand why – now I do (having been in this position more than once in the last 10 years). People take their own life, not because they want to die, but because they cannot bear to live (in suffering).

    The suffering may be mental or physical (or some might suggest….even spiritual). And yes, I DO understand that those left behind suffer, but that’s because they are thinking of their own sorrow and loss, not that the suicide provides release and freedom for the victim.

    I think the saddest type of suicide is the young…..the teenager…..the one who has never really lived and therefore can’t know the power of a successful and rewarding life. In my own case, I truly understand how people with chronic severe and debilitating pain and physical suffering take their own lives because I’ve been there. Normal healthy people think of severe pain like a broken bone (that heals in ‘x’ weeks) or a migraine headache (that lasts 3-4 days), but to suffer continuous and often unrelenting wave after wave of pain for months and years on end, takes even the strongest of people to the very depths of despair.

    Fortunately, since taking early retirement, I have found ways of dealing with chronic pain and debilitating health symptoms, but sometimes…………after being awake for hours, (or all night), with no relief using alternative or orthodox treatment, there is always the little seed of despair that starts to sprout. Then there is the depression of knowing that this is what your life will be like for 30,40 or 50 years.

    Yes, there are things that are so bad that normal healthy people can’t begin to comprehend.

      • A thousand friends are no insurance against suffering (and the understanding of an individual’s torment).

        One thing I’ve learned in my long search for improved health is that no patient (or person) is the same. A hundred people with exactly the same symptoms and diagnosis may require one hundred different treatments. People only present what they want others to see and while your friend may have been happy on the outside, he may have had hidden demons to fight every day.

        One thing I’ve learned is the importance of Listening. Truly listening. And understanding the true nature of an individual’s Mind. A Medical Practitioner needs highly tuned intuition (or gut instinct) as well as training and experience to recognise dis-ease of the Mind.

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